


The Short-Lived Flight of the Challenger

by LittleSpacePrince



Series: Canis Majoris [5]
Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom
Genre: A/B/O, Alpha Nigel (Charlie Countryman), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Asperger Syndrome, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Canon Autistic Character, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Adam, Omega Verse, Spacedogs, mostly angst tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:16:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSpacePrince/pseuds/LittleSpacePrince
Summary: On January 28th, 1986, the NASA shuttle orbiter mission, STS-51-L, the tenth flight of the space shuttle, Challenger, broke apart a mere 73 seconds into its flight. In 73 seconds, the shuttle lifted off and crashed back down, and all seven crew-members were killed. The crew consisted of five NASA astronauts and two payload specialists, including Christa McAuliffe, a teacher from Concord, New Hampshire. The event was nationally televised, and the whole world watched in those 73 seconds between lift-off and crash-land.Adam hadn't counted the seconds between lift-off and crash-land. But he knew the exact moment the malfunctions began. And the moment they collided with the ground. He didn't count the seconds. Maybe he should've.





	The Short-Lived Flight of the Challenger

** AFTER **

There were events, catastrophes, that took place over the course of seconds. In space, everything seemed to move so slowly across such vast distances, nothing ever seeming to happen in an instant. But here, within their own solar system, time seemed to move faster. Things tended to happen before you were ready for them, and before you can process them, they're over. 

On January 28th, 1986, the NASA shuttle orbiter mission, STS-51-L, the tenth flight of the space shuttle, Challenger, broke apart a mere 73 seconds into its flight. In 73 seconds, the shuttle lifted off and crashed back down, and all seven crew-members were killed. The crew consisted of five NASA astronauts and two payload specialists, including Christa McAuliffe, a teacher from Concord, New Hampshire. The event was nationally televised, and the whole world watched in those 73 seconds between lift-off and crash-land. 

Adam hadn't counted the seconds between lift-off and crash-land. He wasn't even certain where lift-off began. Did it start at the beginning of it all, the moment he was born? Did it start with Nigel? Did it start from the moment he went into heat? When did it begin? When did hopes and dreams start to truly set in, and what came before it? What could have been changed to offset this course of action?

He knew the exact moment the malfunctions began. And the moment they collided with the ground. He didn't count the seconds. Maybe he should've. Though what difference would it have made? All he knew was that one moment, he had all the hope in the world. And the next… 

 

** BEFORE **

Nigel thought for damn certain that his hand might break. Beneath the force of his grip, he could feel his bones shifting and it took all that was in him not to yelp and pull away. He wasn't quite sure how Adam had that much fucking strength in him, in his small hands and petite little body. But he did, and Nigel let him squeeze as tight as he wanted, as tight as he needed. He deserved it. 

Adam would never fail to fucking amaze him, never fail to leave him utterly astounded. The world around him was practically designed to work against him, and yet, he continued on. Nigel’s presence sent the omega’s world into complete upheaval, and yet, he continued on. The brush of fingertips had sent him into heat, his entire world flipping on its head with the first waves of slick, and yet, he continued on. He continued through this messy existence of theirs, despite all of these things that told him to quit, to give up and surrender, and Nigel would never cease to be fucking awestruck by his boy. 

He watched as the blood pulled from his omega’s arm, down into the vials. Vials to be carried away, blood to be tested, tests to confirm a positive or a negative. Adam’s face was buried in the crook of Nigel’s shoulder, breath tickling against bare flesh, over where that fucking pin-up girl was inked into his neck. The alpha knew that he was already overwhelmed, the scent of the doctor’s office and the impending results to questions he was afraid to know the answer to and the noise and the unfamiliarity. So he let him squeeze and he let him hide until the nurse pulled the needle from his flesh and walked out quickly, heels clicking against the tile as she walked away. 

“You're alright, sparrow.” Nigel reassured quietly, pressing his lips into his hair, arm slung around his waist as he pulled him in tight. His hand found its way back to his belly, where it had rested practically since the first night of his omega’s heat. Hope resided there, Nigel drawing strength from the possibility that lay just beneath the flesh. Family, and future, and something bigger and greater than himself. “Now, we just wait.”

 

** AFTER **

The apartment was silent save for the passing of cars on the street below. Nigel sat on the couch behind him, head buried in his hands. He had been there since they'd gotten home, hadn't raised his head to look at him. Neither of them had so much as said a word. What was there to be said? What could be said to fill the silence? 

Adam’s eyes stared back into his own, watching the mirror intently, studying over his own face. The face of a broken man, the face of an omega who had failed his alpha, the face of a defect. _Defective, defective, defective._

Words could get stuck once they were there. A single word sticking in his head, rolling around until he obsessed over that single word. _Defective._ His father had once sworn to him that he was never defective, just different. His brain was not a defective brain, it simply ran with different wiring. His body was not a defective body, it simply did not stay par to the course, just a bit behind. But now, it didn't seem as such. He wasn't just different. This time, he was well and truly defective. 

He watched as tears began to well up and fall, face blurred by watering eyes. Had he truly been surprised? Was it truly such a shock? Logical to think something like this would happen, really. Why would it be any surprise? Omegas aren’t meant to present so late. Of course it would lead to complications, to abnormalities. And yet, it felt like someone had cut a hole through him. 

He let the glass shatter beneath the force of his forehead. He watched the glass crack and split, a fractured reflection of himself staring back at him. He watched as the blood began to trickle down his face, and the pain began to sink in, and he let it. Pain and its perfect distractions. Pain’s own warrior against itself. 

It shouldn't have come as a shock to him, and yet, it all came crashing down on him with the force of a thousand men and he was left on his knees. There was no doubt in what he was feeling. A man who had struggled to identify and speak his own emotions from the day he was born, but this was unmistakable.

This was heartbreak.

 

** BEFORE **

Adam had fallen asleep in the waiting room, leaning against the alpha’s shoulder, soft, content noises occasionally escaping from his throat. He was tired, that was for certain. Of course, he would be, after how late the elder man had kept him up the night before. Children’s shows were playing on the TV, though hardly loud enough for him to hear it. A girl, maybe three or four, sat in the play area off to their left, staring up at the screen as she squeezed tightly to a teddy bear. Her mothers watched on from a few feet away - an alpha and her omega, by the scent. The walls were painted a light yellow, dotted with the occasional poster depicting omega biology, with racks of pamphlets beneath them. Nigel had flipped through a handful of them before being trapped beneath the weight of his sleeping omega, intrigued by the idea, more fascinated by Adam’s musings whenever he decided to elaborate from over the alpha’s shoulder.

It was quiet. It was surreal, and serene, a quiet sort of peace that Nigel hoped to hold onto. Afternoons spent here wouldn’t be so bad, certainly something that he could get used to. Waiting to be called back for ultrasounds, with indistinct blurs and blobs slowly growing into something that looked more and more human, and the quiet beating of their child’s heart played over speakers. Nigel closed his eyes, smiling softly as he pressed his lips into Adam’s soft curls. 

He only stirred when the door opened and a doctor walked out into the waiting room. For a moment, Nigel’s heart leapt inside of his chest, hoping that she was there for them, to tell them the good news and send them home with a positive result and an appointment, or a negative and a heat to look forward to, only to come back next month for the good news. Instead, she headed toward the other couple, there with their daughter. Nigel couldn’t quite hear the conversation, but he could see it. The omega’s eyes going wide, the alpha’s lips parting into a bright grin, as though they’d just heard the best goddamn news of their fucking lives. 

He wondered if the same thing would happen to them the next time that doctor appeared. Wide eyes, bright grins. Joy beyond perhaps anything that they had ever known before. 

Nigel absently watched as they gathered up their things, the alpha lifting their daughter into her arms as they headed toward the reception desk. As they walked past him, he leaned forward slightly - not enough to wake his omega, just enough to get their attention.

“Hey… Congratulations.”

 

** AFTER **

Nigel ran a cold rag over his forehead, wiping the blood from his eyes. He always bled more profusely from his forehead, this hardly being the first time that this sort of thing had happened. It was because there were many blood vessels that were very close to the surface in the face and scalp areas, leading to lots of blood. 

Adam didn’t speak. He couldn’t bring his vocal chords to move, couldn’t force the words from his tongue. He didn’t dare to look at Nigel directly, for fear of what he might see when he did. Disappointment, or sadness, or pity. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to recognize it at all, but he would still know that there was something wrong, something broken in him. Something that Adam had broken, something that he couldn’t put back together again. Maybe he should’ve just left, fled from the very moment he went into heat. Maybe he should have told him no when he asked him if he wanted to bond. Maybe he should have just ran from the beginning, stayed out of this people business, kept to his stars and his books and his playbills. 

But the damage had been done. And what was there to do now? Leave, let Nigel mourn, let him move on from him, run away? Break the bond between them, live selflessly for once in his life, sacrificing his own happiness for the chance of Nigel’s? Leave, so that Nigel could stick to this unspoken plan, finding himself an omega girl who could do him justice, rather than living with the defective boy who just so happened to live across the hall?

The very thought made his chest ache. The very thought of leaving, of returning to the quiet life of solitude that he had once led, drew tears to his eyes. He could hardly imagine himself leaving this place he called home, this person he called home. The pain of a severance in their bond, the pain of being alone, it was enough to drive the breath from his lungs as his vision began to blur. 

Nigel pulled the bandaid over the sliced flesh, hidden mostly in the way that his hair flopped over his forehead. He leaned forward, pressing a small kiss against the bandaid, small touches in an attempt to comfort and console. Though how could he be consoled after days such as these?

 

** BEFORE **

Hours ticked by in agony as they drew late into the afternoon. The light filtered orange through the blinds as the light began to fade. People had come and gone, and yet they remained. Normally, Nigel would’ve gotten up and cursed somebody out, demanding to know when the fuck they would be able to go home, when the fuck their results would be in. But with Adam leaning on his shoulder, with kids coming and going, Nigel didn’t complain, didn’t bitch and moan. For all he cared, he could’ve stayed for the rest of the night, if it meant a positive and going home to make celebratory love in their bed.

The door swung open to reveal the doctor again, surely for them this time, as the waiting room was empty as the clinic neared its closing time. Nigel sat up straighter, nudging Adam awake as she strode toward them. She wasn’t smiling like she had been when she’d come out to tell the other couple the good news, instead more solemn, more… Grave. 

“I’m sorry for keeping you two so long.” The doctor said as she approached them, stirring them from their sleepy hazes, bringing them back into this full alertness. Adam rubbed his eyes, blinking the fog from them as he looked up to her, those big blue eyes staring up in anticipation. An answer, a result, never caring much for formalities or pleasantries. 

“We wanted to run a few more tests, what with how late you presented, Mr. Raki. If you don’t mind following me, I’d like to discuss a few things with you and your alpha.” 

 

** AFTER **

Nigel’s head pressed into the crook of Adam’s shoulder. But still, Adam did not move. Adam did not speak. He sat, still and silent as the grave.

“Are you okay?” 

 

** BEFORE **

“Well, to start with, your test results came back as negative. You are not pregnant, Mr. Raki.” The doctor explained.

There was a certain air of disappointment. No crushing blow, nothing heartbreaking. Just a slump in their shoulders, perhaps a few tears shed. Nothing that couldn’t be remedied in a few days time, when his heat came round again and they could try again. Still, the room grew quiet, and darker, as though the light that had seemed to radiate from his boy had been dimmed, the joy that had filled him more often than not since he’d presented had dulled.

“That’s okay.” Nigel said, finally breaking the silence. “Yeah, it’s gonna be fuckin’ fine. We just try again. Your heat’s in… How many days?”

“Five days.” Adam answered almost instantaneously, disposition brightening a bit as he began to smile at the realization. 

“Five days. We just try again. It’ll be fine.” Nigel assured, nuzzling his face into the crook of Adam’s neck. His scent was warm, the scent of an omega nearing his heat. “And we get to have a bit of fun this way.” 

The doctor inhaled slowly. “About that…” 

 

** AFTER **

“No.”

 

** BEFORE **

“Your… Your hormones indicate that you had conceived, but that a miscarriage had occurred early on. Early enough that it could have passed without any noticing it. Which is not what I'm concerned about - this happens with many expectant omegas, it's nothing to worry about on its own. But, there was something… else.”

There were words spoken, but Nigel wasn't paying attention. Not that he could understand a single fucking word she was saying anyways, never smart enough to keep up with medical bullshit. It was a jumbled mess of static and words he didn't know, and all that he could see was Adam. All he could focus on was Adam. Adam, who was undoubtedly understanding every single word that was being spoken. Adam, whose face fell further, whose eyes turned to glass before his face turned to stone and he retreated into himself. Adam, whose body had betrayed him once again. Adam, his darling fucking omega, who was witnessing something that couldn’t be mended, something that couldn’t be fixed. 

 

** AFTER **

“You need to meltdown?” 

 

** BEFORE **

Nigel didn't understand much, but he understood one thing with complete and utter clarity. Harrowing and quiet and broken, all of the hope and air that had once resided in that room sucked dry with one quiet murmur from Adam’s lips. 

“So you mean… I can't have kids?”

 

** AFTER **

“Yes.”

 

~~~~

 

The room lay in shambles around them. If not for exhaustion, Adam would've tried to clean it up, would've made sure that everything was back in order after having thrown things in the fit of brokenhearted rage that had sent him over the edge. But he couldn't bring himself to move, let alone clean up after himself. It felt as though every last ounce of energy had been sucked from the marrow in his bones. All that was left in him was guilt, and mourning, and grieving, and aching for all that they could have had, all that had been ripped right out from underneath them. 

He hated meltdowns. They were like nuclear bombs, violent and explosive, counting down until it tore him apart. Now, he lay tangled in his alpha’s arms, silent as the smoke began to clear. The smoke would always clear after these catastrophes, and the rubble would lay raw underneath, all of these horrors lying exposed to the light of day. The shock had worn off now, and they were left to wallow in these tragedies, to suffer through the aftermath. 

The worst part wasn’t the fact that he couldn’t conceive. That was simply another thing that he couldn’t do, another thing that he would wish for but never touch. It would hurt, and it would ache, but they would have found ways to cope. The worst of it wasn’t the hopes crushed, because they could be mended. The worst of it wasn’t even the soul-crushing guilt that came alongside knowing that he would never be able to fulfill his alpha’s wishes, never give him the future that they had imagined together. 

It was that he had conceived. And he had failed.

They had scheduled an ultrasound for the week after his heat to confirm, but they suspected cysts, resulting in some hormonal abnormalities. Viable eggs were no guarantee to begin with, and even if one managed to be fertilized, the odds of carrying a pregnancy to term were incredibly low. Inability to produce enough of the right hormones to sustain a pregnancy, resulting in a rejection of the fetus before there was even a chance for them to know about it. His body was designed to fail, again and again and again. 

Nigel held tightly to Adam’s slight body, lips pressed into his chocolate curls, eyes shut tightly as he bit back tears. Seeing Adam in his meltdowns was like witnessing a goddamn twister, with screaming and sobbing and shit hurled across the room. Screaming and cursing himself, the word _'defective'_ echoing through the flat. And just as quickly as it had come, it was gone, and Adam was collapsed on the floor in a heap, sobbing as he clung to his knees, until Nigel hoisted him into his arms and carried him back to the couch. 

They didn't speak. They were no words to be spoken. They just sat with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, clinging for dear life to one another, struggling to draw whatever strength they had left in them. It was as if the entire world had frozen where it stood, and the silence between them was all that was left. It felt like they would never move from here, from this moment, but the sun would rise again and they would have to begin again. 

“I'm sorry, Nigel.” Adam whimpered, voice trembling. 

“It's not your fault, sparrow.” Nigel murmured, fingers brushing through his curls. He didn't know what else to say. That it was going to be okay? That everything would work out in the end? That sounded like disingenuous bullshit, and Adam would fucking know it, too. Truth was, he didn't know if it would be okay. He didn't know if they would recover from the blow, if they could move on and simply live with it, if it was something that could be worked around. But there was one thing for damn certain. None of it was Adam Raki’s goddamn fault. 

“I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore.” Adam whispered. It would be selfish of him to not offer him a way out, selfish to think that he should stay. He felt his chest tighten at the thought of him leaving, certain that he’d be crying if there were any tears left in him. But still, how could he ask him to stay? How could he deprive him of a better life?

“I don’t want anyone else.” Nigel vowed. Those were not unfamiliar words, sentiments that Adam had carried with him for as long as they had known each other. And every time, Nigel would answer the exact same way. There was nobody else that he wanted to be with, nobody else that he wanted to spend his life with, nobody else that he loved so fucking deeply, so fucking truly, so fucking infinitely. Adam had been the only one since he’d first seen those blue eyes, and would be the only one until the day he died. 

Adam nodded slightly, burying his face deeper into his chest, inhaling the scent of his clothes, hoping to drown in it. It smelled like comfort, like ease, like home, enough to bring him strength to rise again. As long as he had Nigel, he supposed that life would go on. As long as he had Nigel, perhaps he could pull himself from the wreckage. As long as he had Nigel, perhaps these grand catastrophes would not make a victim. 

There were 73 seconds between lift-off and crash-land. In the 74th second, the world did not cease to spin. The world continued in its orbit, even as the seconds ticked on, even as the footage cut off and the screens went black. Even as the smoke cleared and the wreckage was exposed beneath the flame and ash, the seconds continued to tick ever forward. The world mourned the loss and forgot, and continued on. The rubble was cleared, new shuttles were built, and man’s exploration and curiosity did not go down with one ship. 

The world did not cease to spin in the seconds between lift-off and crash-land. The world did not cease in the seconds after. And perhaps, they would find a way to continue with it.


End file.
